Stall Walls

Bathroom stall walls. Stared at a lot of them over the years. This image was from the walls of a stall that was decoupaged with Asian newspapers and I found it wonderfully appealing. For people who have suffered bowel disease, any little distraction is appreciated whilst spending so much time in the loo. I took a picture and thought about all the hours I spent in stalls before I had my ostomy. Terrible times. I remember laying on my side on the floor in the restroom during a dinner out, trying to allow some relief from gas pains. Each time someone would enter, I would jump up, only to lay prone again in agony. When your colon is inflamed, ulcerated and bleeding, even excess gas can be terrible. It’s all miserable and tough to manage. These pleasing distractions would have helped me back then, their faces are pleasing and empathetic.

Open Minded Teens – Class of 2010

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This week I was a guest speaker during my daughter’s presentation on Crohn’s and Colitis in her High School Health Class. I’ve shared my story with many people over the years, but never before a group that was not directly affected by Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD). Talking with people who relate to the shame and fear is one thing, but sharing this deeply personal story to my daughters’ peers was an entirely different experience. It was another first, another milestone, and another moment of knowing I have this crazy ileostomy for a reason.

When I faced the group the reality of how long IBD has affected my life was intense. I was just a little older than them when I started to feel the life altering affects of Ulcerative Colitis. I will be honest, going in I didn’t know how a group of teenagers would respond to my condition. As lead by their open minded teacher, they listened respectfully and I went for it and shared it all. I pulled out a pouch and showed them how the appliance works (with my clothes on of course) and told them stories of misery and isolation. I spared no details and allowed them to ask me questions. I spoke of my confidence and belief that I can do anything. I also shared how some people I try to support are so disgusted at their own body changes, that they see me in an equally dark light.

I am also very proud that both my teenagers were comfortable with me exposing such a private part of our life. Family is affected profoundly by illness and my girls know it first hand. We’ve had plenty of emergencies because of medical complications and I’ve become dehydrated so many times that a bottle of Gatorade sets panic in the eyes of my girls – it means a trip to the ER for IV fluids is near. Seeing a parent weak is nothing a child should ever face, but for my girls, they have moved through it with privacy and poise.

The swing side of living through fearful situations is the story of resilience and grace. When you have a bowel disease, feeling confident doesn’t come easily and depression and isolation are common. My girls have at times been burdened with a bedridden mother and one who has said goodbye many times for mysterious and scary visits to the hospital. My daughters are lovely and in spite of all they have experienced, they are strong. They live with dignity despite the strangeness of having a Mum without a colon and all the “baggage”, stigmas and bad jokes that comes with it.

This generation of young adults that are open to talking about anything. I thank them for inviting me in and to their teacher for helping create awareness. I left the visit, feeling inspired to do more.

To the Class of 2010 – Thanks for having so much class.

Karen